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"Work-Life Balance"
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How to Really Love
Your Family and Thrive at Work
Available in 2 sizes - 987
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By Michelle Nichols
DO NOT
EDIT article or attribution
without prior written approval.
THANK YOU.
Losing a child, as this
former BusinessWeek columnist
did, inspires this heartfelt
advice: Good parenting can’t
wait until you make your sales
quota or finish writing your
PowerPoint presentation
Former BusinessWeek.com
columnist Michelle Nichols with
her son, Mark, who was claimed
by brain cancer in July 1998
It's tough being a working
parent -- but when you're in
the business world, it's even
tougher. After you've met your
sales quota for the day or finished
writing your report, you can
feel torn between starting one
more item on your To Do list
-- and going home to your children.
If you're a parent, learn to
work faster, and then spend
the time you save with your
kids.
I write this because I am the
parent of a child who didn't
live to grow up. In 1998, my
son, Mark, died suddenly when
he was only 8½ years
old. At first, the doctors thought
it was just a case of the flu.
But 11 days later, he died of
brain cancer. Mark was our firstborn.
He was bright, funny, and kind,
but he didn't live to start
the fourth grade.
Work is important -- it provides
for your whole family. But your
children need your time and
attention, too. Trying to balance
all those priorities, while
keeping food on the table, is
no easy feat.
Here are five simple lessons
for all working parents that
I learned the hard way.
Hug your kids today.
It’s easy to run out the
door in the morning and forget
to stop and hug your kids. Resist.
Take a minute or so, put down
what’s in your arms, pick
up each of your children, look
them in the eye, tell them how
much you love them and give
them a squeeze that will last
them all day.
Then you can go off to work
and they can go off to school
or day care. You won’t
be distracted by guilt or worry
and both of you can focus on
what you need to get done that
day, whether it’s designing
some software, writing a new
marketing plan – or learning
your ABC’s.
In response to this idea, I
recently received a letter from
Bryan, a burly engineer at a
big defense contractor, who
told me “I check my 14-year
old son and tuck-in his blanket
almost every morning, and as
I left home at 4:30am this morning,
he asked me for a hug. What
a great way to start the day.”
Carpe kids. Robin
Williams, as Mr. Keating in
the movie Dead Poets Society,
made the phrase “carpe
diem” (Latin for seize
the day) famous. I propose you
carpe kids, which I
translate to: Seize what’s
positive in your kids, even
when things go wrong.
Let’s face it. You have
times when things don’t
turn out the way you’d
planned – the birthday
cake gets dropped, shoe gets
left behind or the spelling
test for which you spent all
week helping them study comes
home with an “F.”
For many parents, your initial
urge may be to get mad or belittle
your children. Instead, look
for what’s positive about
the situation. If they missed
15 of their 20 spelling words,
focus on the 5 they got right.
When my 10-year-old daughter
stayed in her school's spelling
bee until the 5th round, the
first words from the teacher
assigned to comfort her were
when she was eliminated were,
"You forgot the second
‘e’!" What
a pity she didn't say, "Good
try. I'm so proud of you."
When All Else Fails,
Laugh. Humor is
a powerful tool. It can heal
hurt feelings over disappointments
and help you reframe situations
to see opportunities where before,
there was only failure. American
comedienne Carol Burnet said,
“Comedy is tragedy plus
time.” Most not-so-good
situations have a humorous aspect
to them that you normally only
see years later. Look for it
sooner. Teach your children
to laugh at their mistakes too.
My dad always said when things
go wrong, I could laugh or I
could cry. Just remember Spiderman’s
motto: With great power comes
great responsibility. Be sure
your humor helps, and doesn’t
cause further hurt. Kids don’t
understand sarcasm but all ages
enjoy a good joke that reminds
them that we all make mistakes.
Show up. Nothing
makes my daughter smile more
than when I volunteer to help
out with her swim team's events.
No, it's not my favorite way
to spend time with her, but
it makes her feel special -
and that's enough.
When Mark was eight, I sent
my husband down to register
him for Little League. My husband
surprised us all by signing
on as the team coach. They spent
a lot of father-son time that
season -- on the field, in the
batting cage, and just sitting
around talking about baseball.
Mark died just a few months
after that season ended and
as Master Card ads would say,
those good memories are priceless.
Hug Your Kids Every
Day. Not every
day of being a working parent
is going go well. You may love
your kids so often and so much
that you’re eligible for
“Parent of the Year.”
Yet your kids act as if they
don’t care and don’t
even know you. Likewise, you
may spend $10,000 taking your
family on a trip to Disneyland
and all have a miserable time.
What’s important is that
you keep trying – hug
them again and book another
trip.
The results of spending time
with your family aren’t
always immediately apparent.
Accept that they may not realize
how much you gave up for them
for another 20 years, until
they have children of their
own.
In the movie City Slickers,
Jack Palance's character, Curly,
encourages the new cowboys to
focus on "the one thing."
Billy Crystal, as Mitch Robbins,
discovers that the one thing
for him is family. While your
spouse, if you have one, is
important, he or she is already
an adult. Your kids -- be they
biological, adopted, stepchildren,
grandchildren or whatever --
are in the frenzied growing-up
process right now. They need
your time and attention today.
So work faster. Then go home
and hug your children and your
spouse, too.
---
(MUST
BE INCLUDED. DO NOT EDIT without
prior written approval.)
Michelle Nichols was the Savvy
Selling columnist for BusinessWeek.com
for six years and recorded 45
Savvy Selling podcasts
for BusinessWeek. Prior,
she spent 20 years in professional
sales and entrepreneurship.
Her book, “Hug Your Kids
Today! 5 Key Lessons for Every
Working Parent” will be
available in July 2008. She
can be contacted toll-free at
(877) 352-9684 or (775) 303-8201.
To download a PDF of the Five
Simple Lessons for All Working
Parents or for more information,
go to www.HugYourKidsToday.com.
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